Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
