The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
