I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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