put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
