my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
