i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
