i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
