Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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