Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
