my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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