well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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