somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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