Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
