so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
