Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
