Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
