i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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