decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
