and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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