We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
