i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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