it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
