dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
