The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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