I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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