i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
