i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
