You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
