The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
