both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
