I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
should my penis look like a turkey
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
