just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
