it was like his penis was on wheels.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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