Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
