So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
this just has baby written all over it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
