pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just invented taco cereal.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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