He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
