garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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