I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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