you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
