she woke up with a sticky ear
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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