Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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