Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
