Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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