Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
