he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
