dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
