I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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