I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
