i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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