What a fucking waste of an outfit
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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